Uh….  where’d everybody go???

:)

 Interestingly enough, none of us had anything else to say??? 

I don’t buy that.  :)

Soooo…  when’s the last time any of you went to a chapter meeting?

Confessing that I’m writing this while sitting in a meeting. :)

I obviously don’t have a rit book in front of me, so I can’t tell if what I’m remembering is something everybody says, or just my chapter. But I distinctly remember standing there swearing an oath to be my Brother’s keeper. I also remembering wondering how many people actually heard what they were swearing, and whether they’d remember it. (Do you ever wish we were given print-outs of the oaths to post on our bulletin boards or mirrors so that we’d be daily reminded of what we’d promised before God to do?)

Being your Brother’s keeper is hard – being ANYONE’S keeper is hard. It’s hard enough looking out for ourselves without taking on the responsibility of another person’s welfare – especially when that person is just a casual friend – especially when that person resists or resents the help. When someone is determined to self-destruct, there’s a lot of steam behind that determination. How are we mere, concerned mortals to stand in the way?

I guess we’ve all had Brothers who were doing drugs, or drinking too much, skipping too many classes, choosing destructive relationships, you name it. The Brother you describe, Jennai, was obviously in a lot of trouble – and was causing a lot of trouble. When personal bad habits put a person into such a bad place that they’re willing to steal from their friends to support the habits, then things have gone very far indeed.

Too far, I suspect, for any of their peers to follow.

Unless (and perhaps even if) you are a close personal friend of the Brother in question, there is probably little you can do to sway him from this self-destructive path. A real counselor would probably say that you should do “what you can do” and what you need to do for yourself: say something, tell your Brother you’re worried and that you want to help him, and do what you need to do so that you can say to yourself that you did all you could. Remember that there are a lot of victims here – not just the imploding Brother or the Brothers being stolen from. That Brother’s friends and loved ones are being victimized too.

What we don’t know about the Brother in question is how far gone he is, how he may react if confronted. Under the influence of controlled substances, people can react very unpredictably. Be careful, and be safe, if you must confront the Brother yourself.

A better option might be to think in terms of an actual intervention. Rather than put yourself in the vulnerable position of being the only person to confront the Brother (it’s easier to blow off one person, for one thing) you might collaborate with other people in the chapter to sit the Brother down and let him know that there’s a problem, that you’re worried, and that you want to help him get his life straightened out. There are some pretty good resources online; this one isn’t bad, particularly when you read the “suggested reading.” Of course, the most important part is probably the whole “consult with a professional” bit….

Frankly, I think this is probably not a job for anyone in the chapter, Jennai. I mean, there are a lot of things you can do, but should you? Will they do any good, or will they do more harm? There’s a certain moral responsibility in that you should do all that you can, but ultimately… I think this is one of those opportunities where you really need to be talking to the advisor and leaving it in his or her hands. Adult intervention is really the responsible answer, in my opinion, and the most likely to actually do some real good. An advisor has resources that chapter members lack – like the ability to connect the Brother with campus counseling services, even involuntarily.

As far as the moral responsibility thing goes, look – sometimes the most we can do is care, so deeply that years later it still haunts us. No matter how hard we try, we can’t save everyone - in every aspect of our lives, not just the fraternity. :(

Ok, so time for me to throw in something controversial and different.

What do you do, when a brother needs help?

“But Jennai Ell”, you say, “that’s not very controversial!”

“Ah”, says I – “but it is…”

Say that brother is in an abusive relationship. Say they’re addicted to drugs, or alcohol, or cutting. Say they’re stealing from brothers, to support a habit. Say they’re suicidal.

Say you’ve already tried suggesting therapy – and they’ve told you on no uncertain terms that there’s nothing wrong, that they’re fine, to leave them alone…

Now say they’re doing this self-destructiveness in front of the bands members. In the witness of brothers. Say they’re embarassing the chapter, the band, the school.

Now, what do you do?

(edit and clarification – yes, I have had a brother in this situation.  It haunts me to this day, whichis why I ask)

/walks back in with a frosty beverage

Sorry, that took longer than expected!

I wouldn’t want to attend a weeks worth of near mandatory events! Especially anywhere near the beginning of a school term! Give me a one-day/night “official” rush event and call it good – or split up the events between teams or something! I had classes to attend and homework to figure out…hell, I don’t think I could do that as an alumn!

It’s my understanding that events “hosted” by KKPsi go over better than “Rush” or “Come with KKPsi” – because those often sound like “only come if you’re looking to join”. I don’t remember if we actually stated it or not. But again, I was in the situation where most of the band members knew that if certain people were advertising it/talking/putting up a poster/etc, that it was sponsored by KKPsi. Especially since they were usually allowed to the front by the band director, who would mention that it was something fun/service/etc – and here’s Johnny to explain what it is. Perhaps if the brothers in a particular section were talking it up during warmups or something?

As for reasons to join KKPsi…

I found it to be a very simple decision to make…

Music gave me a lot. It lifted me up when I was down, it gave me friends when I was lonely, it gave me purpose and enjoyment to life. Joining KKPsi, to me, was a given extension of what music had given me – with the added bonus of being able to pay a little of that back.

As for why I stick around? Being alumni or life – is still a continuation of what music (and the fraternity) have given me.

Besides – I’m still indebted.

This is kindof off topic but hey, I’m being anal.

So can we really not think of any reasons to be in K K Psi, or did you all forget?
I’m serious.

I think it could be a cool thing to have online somewhere, a cool resource for rushing.

This may just be a case of an old fart fiddling with other peoples’ business, but it’s a puzzle to me so I thought I’d ask everyone what they thought. It bears mentioning that I’m the sort of person who likes to ponder over things without ever necessarily thinking of interfering with the real situation – maybe that’s why 8 Brothers exists. :)

My old chapter is having Rush this week. Every day, there’s a different event – fun stuff, social stuff, but with built-in opportunities to learn more about the fraternity. Active members are strenuously encouraged to attend. Potential recruits are individually targeted by actives, and there are posters and flyers everywhere band kids go.

The problem is – and from what I’m being told, this has happened for the past couple of years – no one is attending. The active members show up but they can only get 1-3 potential members to attend. If this year is like last year, half of the people who attend Rush won’t interview – but they’ll get dozens of interviews from people who never attended a single Rush event.

The end result is that Rush is a total wash and a financial drain, serving only as a Brotherhood experience for the active members who are able to show (given that it is a solid week of nightly near-mandatory activities). However, recruitment is generally highly successful nonetheless.

I get to wondering – what’s the deal, here? Our school has a very small/weak Greek system, so maybe the kids don’t understand what “rush” means – but shouldn’t they be interested in going to the events just because they’re fun and offer information?

Does it matter if recruits don’t attend Rush?

Since the chapter is getting recruits hand-over-fist who never attended Rush, should they just save the time and money and skip Rush entirely?

If not, how can they make Rush more appealing to recruits?

Should Rush be mandatory for recruits? Should it be an interview question – “Did you attend Rush and, if not, why?” Should skipping Rush reflect in any way on a recruit?

Is ten days of solid recruitment too much, too fast? Would a two-week period with five or six events be better?

One thing that I’ve noticed is that the event posters do NOT say “Rush” on them – they say things like “Come float the river with KKPsi.” Do you think people think that it’s a KKPsi-only event?

Whaddaya think?

Yeah, I would say that the question is less “do we have to wear our pins”, because really around here most of us don’t require it, right? The question is more like, “don’t we WANT to wear our pins?”

And if not, how come?

I agree with Turf, Jenni, and Balco that negative reinforcement sucks. The random checks sound neat, though. You don’t get punished if you forget, but you get rewarded if you remember. Of course, isn’t the point to want to wear it, not to want to get candy or whatever?

Trying to remember if anyone ever said anything to me that made me go all gooshy inside over my pin. Or if I just always wanted to wear it because it so pretty. ;)

I’m sorry to say that I don’t think I have an answer to the wearing pins ordeal. I agree with Jennai Ell in that, you shouldn’t have to wear your pin and I’m pondering the same question of “Why do we wear our pins?”

When I was active, I wore my active pin everyday, all day (exepting the swimming, sleeping, sex, etc). I felt pride to wear my pin; to show that I earned it. That, and I always remember this story that was told to me by one of the alpha brothers of my chapter….

I believe he was in an airport on his way somewhere (correct me if I’m wrong, those who know the story) and he saw a line of military officers (of some sort) none of whom he knew. All of the sudden, one of the officers broke rank, came over and shook his hand (and it wasn’t just a regular shake). Perplexed by the officer breaking rank and coming over to him he was confused as to how he knew that they were brothers and realized that he was wearing his active pin.

I think that for me, I always wore mine in hopes that I would meet someone from somewhere else and have an instant bond with them. You can’t wear letters everyday (well, you can, but you know, that costs a lot to have that many shirts) and I was afraid that I’d miss out on an awesome meeting if I didn’t wear my pin.

Between that and having pride in showing I was an active member, I wanted to wear my pin. Maybe we can encourage in other ways than just positive reinforcement?

What a question…I mean, it’s so hard to answer that!

Some chapters don’t ever wear them except to the dressiest of events, because CofAs are supposed to be more formal than, say, recognition bars (nevermind the crown pearl badges, which are more formal still).

Some chapters wear their active pins to EVERYTHING (anyone remember the “S’s” that were the definite times NOT wear your pin? Suds, Sleeping, Sex, Swimming…I’m forgetting at least one…)

That’s a fairly strict standard! And what happens to you if (God forbid!) the back comes off and you lose your pin? Are you punished until the new one arrives? Or do you have to beg the chapter to loan you one until it gets there? draw it on your forehead?

In a lot of ways, I prefer the shirts, keychains, hats, etc for informal occasions. Much easier for band members to see and recognize, compared to an itty bitty pin (or even the newer, bigger, color pins – that are not the CofA, but I cannot recall what they’re officially called, and am currently too lazy to look up the national jewelry site and find out, since I’m not a great fan of those pins)

I personally don’t like the negative reinforcement idea for pins, but I hail from a chapter that wasn’t particularly caught up on them. People in the various bands knew who was in KKPsi and who wasn’t – and we usually didn’t NEED our letters or other paraphenalia to prove it.

I think maybe therein lies the solution for your family member…it could be as simple as a “KK – PSSSIIII!” after a rehearsal, or name tags for brothers during things like band camp, or matching chapter shirts at the last rehearsal before a performance – something that shows solidarity of purpose.

After all, what, exactly, are they wearing the pins FOR?

That, I think, needs to be the *real* question. The pins are a symbol of who and what we are. But in the grand scheme of things, we shouldn’t *need* to wear them to know that.

Regarding old pins (and please forgive my mild tangent) – the OLDEST life pins actually had your life # stamped into them. I vaguely recall hearing that at one point, CofAs might have been the same way, but I’ve never seen one that was old enough, to check for myself

The other day, I had a flash from the past. My very first Little Brother came to see me, bringing a bunch of stuff she’d borrowed years before. We hadn’t seen one another in some time; in fact, since we last spoke, she’d gotten married. We caught up, and then she gave me one more thing – a tiny gold CofA.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“Remember when we put through D’s class?” she responded. “I had forgotten my pin – the family pin – at home, so I borrowed one from someone without a Little so I’d have one to give to D. I ended up just paying for it. Well, I finally found my pin, the one you’d given me. Since I’m alumni, and I’m not really involved with anything anymore, I thought I’d give it back.”

I looked down at the little pin blankly. Then it hit me: this was my pin, the one that had been carefully affixed to my chest in front of scores of Brothers back when I finally became worthy of that name myself. This was the first pin of my Family Tree. This was the pin that had been intended to pass down through my Family line, a tangible symbol of that bond-within-a-bond and of our chapter’s past. It had gone AWOL so long before that I’d forgotten it had ever existed.

After my Little left, I twiddled the pin between my fingers, marveling at the way pins had changed over the past several years. My recently-purchased pin (because I lose them like a drunk freshman loses inhibitions) was easily twice as thick as my old pin, a little smaller in diameter, and yet not really any heavier. The markings on the new pin were much more distinct than those on the old pin, and the color was diff… wait. The $8 pins are made of fake-o metal and gold-plated, right? So why would they soften with age? Could my old CofA be one of the 10K pins?

Over the next few days I thought about what I should do with the pin. My Family Tree has forked; there are at least three of my descendents active in the chapter today. Who would receive the pin? If I followed Little #1’s line, I’d come to a dead end pretty quickly – all my descendents still existing come from Little #2’s line, but it has since branched in three directions. I still haven’t figured it out, so for now the pin is biding its time over my heart, a little reminder of where I came from in this fraternity.

Recently, a descendent of my family – and the chapter VP – came to me and asked about pins. Like me, she has always felt that this symbol was an important part of being a Brother, and that wearing them should be automatic for people in the chapter – a given. Instead, she saw that only a handful of people ever wore their pins outside of ritual, and that they usually only wore them to meetings. As the school year kicks off, she was wondering if there was any way she could “incentivize” people to wear their pins more regularly.

I asked if the chapter already did anything. Apparently, on their final MEP test, there’s a question – worth 10 points – that reads “Are you wearing your pin?” Actives and prospectives all take that test, and have to have a high score to pass. Other than that, there was no real program, motivation, or reminder to wear the pins and/or Letters with pride.

The chapter does have an attendance policy, and we discussed the (distasteful) possibility of tagging on a penalty for attending meetings without pins or Letters. We also talked about “random pin checks” at band rehearsals, where the VP would pick names out of a hat, see if they were wearing a pin, and, if so, give them some kind of a prize. (Hooray positive reinforcement!)

Do youse guys have any other ideas? Any words of motivation that she could pass along to the chapter that might light a fire of WEAR MY PIN inside her fellow Brothers?