Eight Brothers Walk Into a Bar…

One of my favorite things about being in a fraternity is the Family aspect – Big Brothers and Little Brothers, lines, family trees. It’s the list-o-holic and casual historian in me; I just love drawing out family trees, seeing how the generations spread out, stepping back into the past through a branching line of Brothers. I love the process of pairing Big Brothers and Little Brothers, trying to make the best possible matches so that both parties will grow and learn. It is just such an utterly fascinating process to me.

I never have come up with a good answer as to when Big Brothers ought to be revealed, or how they ought to be paired. I come up with one plan that seems good to me, and then I get persuaded that another way might be just as good or better. Thinking about it, it seems like there’s a fairly limited number of ways to go about the entire process.

Step One: Partnering Up

Method A: Random Drawing. I’m sure some chapters must pair up their Bigs/Littles via random lottery. My kneejerk reaction is that this can’t be a particularly good way to go about it – after all, shouldn’t some thought go into personality conflict, chemistry, etc.? Then again, through this method, no one has to be last pick, no one is responsible for a poor partnering.

Method B: VP Choice. The VP sits down with a list of Bigs and Littles and decides who would make good pairings. This method – using input from the Big Brothers – was a favorite when I was VP, but not so much when I wasn’t. I guess if you have a VP you know you can trust, it’s great – but if you’re on bad terms with your VP, not so much?

Method C: Big Brother Choice. Big Brothers are ranked in some way, and then get to pick their Little Brother, kind of like picking teams for kickball. You can rank by lottery or by a set of criteria. This leaves the responsibility of a good (or bad) choice up to the Big, but also may create a morale problem for the last one to choose – and the last one chosen, should word ever get out (which it is bound to do). It occurs to me that if each Big chose in a private conference with the VP, only the last few people would know who the last choice was, rather than the whole chapter.

Method D: Collaborative Choice. The Little Brothers get to weigh in on who they prefer, the Big Brothers get to weigh in on who they prefer, and then somehow – through something like Method B or Method C – you try to come up with pairings that reflect those preferences. Good because the Littles get some say in their fate, but hurtful to anyone who discovers that no one wants them for a Big.

Method E: Little Brother Choice. Does anyone do this? I’d be interested to hear how that works if so.

Method F: ??? What am I missing? Does anyone know of a different way this is done?

Step Two: When to Reveal

Method A: Immediate. As soon as Bigs/Littles are assigned, the Bigs go to their Littles, introduce themselves, and welcome them into the family. It’s an immediate partnership so they can skip the “secret Santa” part and get straight to the mentoring.

Method B: Whenever You Want. The Big can choose to reveal immediately, or can withhold identity up until Third Degree. Seems like this might be messy, and that people might get ID’ed out of a process of elimination…

Method C: By Second Degree. The chapter sets an arbitrary date – maybe Second Degree – for a “Reveal Ceremony” wherein each Little is formally and publicly introduced to her Big Brother and welcomed into the family. This can be fun (popping balloons with slips of paper inside) or solemn (candle lightings). This allows time for “secret Santa” and time for mentoring before Third.

Method D: At Third Degree. Each Big Brother pins his Little Brother and reveals himself.

Method E: ??? What am I missing? Does anyone know of a different way this is done?

I think one important thing to acknowledge is that the Big Brother/Little Brother relationship is hopefully something that will be very valuable to both members, but that it’s essentially arbitrary. When I think about the Brothers who felt like Big Brothers to me throughout my early years in KKPsi, I’m afraid I don’t think much about my real Big. There are four people who come to mind, one of whom was in Louisiana, and two of the others were in the WD but different states than I. I liked my Big a lot, but we didn’t really bond. It’s important for the chapter to understand that they are all their Brothers’ keepers, and that each of them – active, conditional, alumni – are in a position where they may be a practical “Big Brother” for a new member. We can’t anticipate where chemistry is going to spark…